“Secrets” of a Successful Marriage
By Aurora M.
The secrets to having a happy marriage really aren’t secret. Although they may sometimes seem elusive, the only real secret is that all successful marriages require work. Many honeymooners assume that it will be just like when you were dating; lots of fun, and very little responsibility. This is where a lot of couples find themselves in trouble. They feel like they should be able to maintain a dating lifestyle without the responsibilities of married life.
No matter how fun that would be, it’s simply not possible to have a marriage that directly mirrors the relationship you had while you were dating. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t date and have fun when you’re married! You absolutely should! You just have to learn how to balance the fun AND the responsibilities.
Luckily, there are easy ways to maximize your relationship, and keep your relationship healthy before you have a chance to find yourself in a rough spot. There are ways to have fun and spend quality time with your spouse every single day, without neglecting other important parts of your life.
1) Cook together
Especially when you first get married, it can be tempting to get takeout rather than cook a meal together. Cooking takes longer, and requires so much more effort. But cooking together creates a whole new way to spend quality time together. You’ll bond as you work together, and create something delicious together. Bonus: This also gives you both a chance to understand each other’s tastes and avoid having just one person define the menu.
It helps if you create a space in your kitchen that makes it enjoyable to spend time there, whether that’s because you love working on your granite countertops, you just got a new french door fridge that you adore, or because your new Kitchenaid is the perfect shade of eggshell and you want every excuse to use it. Even if your meal-making turns out to be a disaster, at least you experienced it together! Spend that time in the kitchen talking about your days, giving each other tastes of your creations, and enjoying serving your spouse.
2) Spend time being grateful
It can be so easy to get wrapped up in your own business, and begin neglecting your spouse. Whether it’s work, school, or some other project that’s consuming a lot of your time, don’t let it take over your life. The last thing you want is for your spouse to think that they come second to your work. Your spouse, and your relationship with them, should come first.
Many relationship specialists say that a successful marriage is made of tiny moments of attention. So make sure you spend part of every single day listening to your spouse and how they’re feeling. Don’t just wait for them to offer up information; make them feel validated by asking them how their day was, how a certain project they’re working on is going, or simply telling them that you appreciate them. Never assume that they know; telling them will remind you both! Practicing gratitude strengthens relationships, and it also helps you feel more positive and proactive.
3) Keep dating
As mentioned before, getting married isn’t the death of your dating life. You should continue to date your spouse. Plan a night every week to dedicate to each other. Even if you can’t afford to go out every week, make sure that it’s a special night. Instead of just sitting on the couch flicking through your Netflix queue, plan ahead for a movie night with a pre-decided movie and popcorn. By putting effort into making a date night special, you’re showing your spouse that they’re special and you’re putting effort into your relationship with them.
4) Work together
I don’t mean professionally (although that’s bound to be interesting). There will be other areas of your life that need work, and you should both be part of the projects that directly affect your home and family. Maybe the walls in your bedroom have always been an ugly green color and you’ve been wanting to repaint them, maybe you need to tackle a big remodeling project, maybe your child needs help with a school presentation. Instead of waiting for your spouse to be busy to tackle this project, take it as an opportunity to spend quality time together. Hard work will create a bond, and whenever you’re in that room, you’ll remember painting it together. Put on some music, and view it as an activity, rather than as a chore.
Any marriage can be successful. You have to consistently invest in your spouse and your relationship. But if you do, you’ll find your relationship better than ever, and both you and your spouse will be happier.
About The Author
Aurora McCausland is a professional writer and blogger enjoying life in Salt Lake City, Utah. Although she spends the majority of her time writing, when she’s not, you can find her cuddling her dog, hiking with her husband, or trying to find the perfect coffee shop. You can see more of her writing on her website www.auroramccausland.com or check her out on instagram, @auroramccausland.
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